mind and muse

I was probably 13 when I fully absorbed what this city seemed to be like based on pictures I saw on Pinterest. Before I get into this, let me preface by saying, I have never been. I honestly think I am writing this simply to look back and remember this big dream of mine, and even if it it’s not meant for me, I can recognize the differences of now and my future self, wherever I end up.

New York is a state of everything, or so it seems. The idea that I could take my career and pursue to the max is huge desire of mine. I crave the opportunity, I crave the business, the constant move, and the even the chaos. As a type A person through and through, all those nouns make me stressed by default. However with that being said, I want to explore a completely undiscovered side of myself. Leaning into a new and maybe even uncomfortable way of living that goes against my current habits be such a healthy challenge, and I think would open up many new doors of self-discovery and breakthroughs.

Walking everywhere instead of driving, the idea that something is always happening, and living anonymously yet feeling connected. I see myself in all of it. I want to be thrown into a lifestyle that emphasizes the importance of independence. I’m very much aware that so much of this city is extremely romanticized, but I can’t help but feel a calling to at least see it. Someday I will experience a preview to what life would be like if I took that jump.

Today, telling someone “I want to live in New York City” sounds unrealistic and simply a fantasy. The expense, maintaining life as a whole, and everything in between. But with every shift in mind, I think i’m okay with the possibility of maybe only living there a short time, and not necessarily until i’m an old lady. I picture being there through my late 20s, or 30s, and maybe if i’m lucky, into my 40s. It’s all so ambitious, and also risky, but what is life without risks? ESPECIALLY risks that come from a lifelong dream.

I come from Iowa, I also come from a family who doesn’t prioritize traveling in a notable way, so with this ambition of mine, I constantly doubt the actual possibility of it happening. Even though, in the scheme of things, it doesn’t have to be impossible if I make it a priority. In general, I guess i’m writing this as fuel. Motivation. Because truthfully no matter where I end up, it’ll be right.

Maybe the city wouldn’t change my life overnight, but I can’t help wondering if living there would change me in some way. I know living in NYC would come with challenges, sacrifices, and uncomfortable moments, but sometimes the places that scare you the most are the ones that change you the most…and i’ve learned that lesson in real life more than a few times. Oh to live my life with Carrie Bradshaw energy, honestly ideal.